


No Homo, England.

by ThatLoyalHufflepuff



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, Multi, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-07
Updated: 2013-03-07
Packaged: 2017-12-04 14:32:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/711785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatLoyalHufflepuff/pseuds/ThatLoyalHufflepuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>America treats England to a steamy session of after-meeting sex, only to ruin it. France happens to intervene, and decides to teach them both a lesson.<br/>Crack!fic. Human names used. Smut. Also typed in slight accent for France.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Homo, England.

Arthur stomped out of the meeting room, frustrated again. He had wasted three more hours of his life arguing with that impossible Frenchman and that obnoxious American, when he had other things he wanted to do. Like curl up in an armchair with a huge mug of tea and a Sherlock Holmes novel. He was nearly out of the crowded meetings hall- made extra stuffy by the Californian heat; why did it have to be held in America during summer?! - when a distinct voice called him. With an annoyed huff and eye roll, Arthur turned.

“What do you want, America?” The American nation hurried up to him, a wide grin on his young face.   
“I need to talk to you! In private! In here!” He grabbed Arthur’s hand, yanking him into a side room. He pushed Arthur inside, closing the door. He pulled a key from his back pocket, locking the door with a click. He turned, still grinning. He laughed at the Englishman’s confusion.

“What… Why did you lock the door?! I have places to be, you know!”

“What, like at home? Dude, you’re not fooling me.” Alfred stepped closer to Arthur. He smiled sweetly down at him, taking his hands. “Close your eyes.” He ignored Arthur’s splutters, not bothering to wait for the Brit to obey. He leaned down, pressing their lips together. Arthur’s eyes widened in shock, before sliding shut. Alfred deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue along Arthur’s bottom lip. Arthur moaned into the kiss, instinctively. Alfred smirked, moving his hands to Arthur’s waist. He backed him against the desk, before effortlessly lifting him. He gently placed Arthur on the desk, sliding in between his legs.

Arthur broke the kiss, panting slightly. “A-America…” He whispered between shallow breaths. He gasped as he felt the American place feather light kisses to his neck and jaw. He leaned his head to the other side, giving him more room. Alfred’s hands moved to the front of Arthur’s blazer, unbuttoning it. He trailed his fingers up the Brit’s torso, sliding the suit jacket off of his shoulders. Arthur shook it off, before tangling his fingers in Alfred’s choppy blond hair. His legs wrapped around the younger nation’s waist, pulling him closer. He moaned, leaning his head back as Alfred’s mouth sucked on his neck, leaving the skin decorated in red marks. Arthur’s hand moved to the back of Alfred’s neck, his fingers digging into the flesh.

With a moan, Arthur’s hips bucked into Alfred’s, his body aching with need. Alfred hastily undid the Brit’s trousers, lifting his hips to slide them off. He stepped back, his mouth leaving the skin of Arthur’s neck. As he eased his trousers over his legs, he squatted down, pressing delicate kisses into Arthur’s inner thighs. He smirked, watching Arthur’s erection twitch in response.

“P-Please…” Alfred looked up, into Arthur’s glossy eyes. The Englishman’s faced was flushed as he panted, his mouth hanging open.

“Please what~”

“Please… Stop t-teasing…”

Arthur’s hips bucked again wantonly. He bit down on his kiss-reddened lip, trying to control himself. Alfred grinned, his hand pulling down the Union Jack boxers. He dragged his fingertips along Arthur’s shaft, teasing again. Slowly, he wrapped his hand around it, beginning to pump along his length. He stood to his full height, leaning down to kiss Arthur again. Arthur’s shaky hands gripped the American’s shirt, before lowering to fumble with his trousers. Alfred let go of Arthur’s cock, removing his own trousers. He looked down, noticing how Arthur was trying to unbutton his shirt, with little success. Hurriedly, he took over, sliding it off and dropping it to the floor. He grabbed Arthur by the waist, pressing their hips together. With a passionate kiss, he pulled the shorter nation off the desk. His hands skimmed down to his boxers, pushing them down to his knees. He broke the kiss, turning Arthur around.

“W-What…?” Alfred laughed slightly, gently pressing Arthur’s back to bend him over.  
“Don’t you wanna screw?”  
Arthur flustered in response. “It’s not that, I just… I haven’t done this in a while…”  
Alfred shook his head, kissing the other’s shoulder. “Neither have I.” However, he had planned for this. He leaned down, pulling a bottle of lube from his bag. He poured out a generous amount into his palm. He placed it on the desk, sliding down his stars and stripes boxers to coat his length in the liquid. He hissed slightly at the coolness of it, before gradually sliding a slicked finger into Arthur’s entrance. He waited as the Englishman groaned, adjusting to it. He pulled out, adding another finger. He rocked his digits back and forth, allowing Arthur to stretch. A third finger was added. He turned his hand, bending his fingers. As he hit Arthur’s sensitive spot, the older nation groaned loudly, arching his back.

“N-Now…!” On Arthur’s command, he slid his fingers out, only to replace them with his member. He inched inside, until Arthur took his entire length. He paused, his hands on the Brit’s hips. He pulled out to the tip, only to slide back in again. His thrusts took a steady rhythm, dictated by Arthur’s moans and how his hips slid back to meet Alfred’s. Alfred tipped his head back, increasing his speed as he got closer to his climax. His fingers tightened on Arthur’s hips, pulling him along in a desperate bid to get deeper. Arthur pressed his shoulders into the desk, his back arching more than he thought possible. His fingers wrapped around the edge of the wood, his cries of pleasure getting louder and more uncontrollable. He shuddered, screaming out Alfred’s name as he climaxed, his seed spilling across the table and down his legs. Alfred came shortly after, collapsing onto Arthur’s back. He panted for a few seconds, before pulling out. He turned, cleaning himself up and getting dressed.

“Hey, Arthur, dude.” The American reached out, patting England’s shoulder.

“What…?”

“No homo.” He laughed, picking up his bag and walking towards the door.

“What did you just say to me?!” Arthur yelled, hastily pulling his boxers back on. He sprinted to Alfred, slamming him against the wall. He pounded his fist into Alfred’s chest, eyes full of anger. “No homo?! Are you serious?! You can’t bloody fuck me and then say that, you ignorant tosser!” He got even more furious when Alfred laughed in response.

Arthur’s shouts got louder, drowning out the footsteps of a certain nation, who happened to recognised the English accent which was screaming out profanities and threats. A hand tried to open the locked door. The man sighed, retrieving a key and unlocking it. He tried again, this time successfully opening the door.

“Angleterre? Is that y-” The blonde Frenchman was cut off by the scene of a scantily clad England, red-faced from fury, yelling at America who was laughing himself silly. France’s brows furrowed, confused. He looked around, seeing the messy desk and what must be Arthur’s trousers. He looked back at the pair, who had finally noticed him.

“France! Get out!” Suddenly Arthur flew at him, shoving the door shut. Francis braced himself against it, slipping into the room. He grabbed Arthur’s wrists, preventing himself from getting beaten. He looked over to the still laughing America, trying to work out what happened. Obviously, something sexual went on, but why would they be fighting…?

“What… What ‘appened?!” He asked, giving Arthur a very bewildered look. Arthur blushed furiously, stomping his foot in frustration.

 

“What’s it got to do with you?!” Francis raised an eyebrow, demanding an answer. Arthur sighed heavily, dropping his gaze as he rushed out an explanation.  
“America took me here and we had sex and then he went to just ditch me, saying ‘no homo’, of all things!” He glared up at the Frenchman, expecting him to laugh.

“No.” Francis dropped his wrists, storming over to the American. He looked up, trying to be threatening despite the height difference. He roughly grabbed Alfred’s shoulders, shaking him. Francis’ blue eyes bore into America’s own, with a kind of determination in them. He voice was low, almost dangerous.

“Yes ‘omo.”

Alfred stopped laughing, instead his features twisting into a look of puzzlement. Suddenly, Francis pulled him down, slamming their lips together in a heated kiss. He pushed Alfred away, wiping his mouth. He reached up, grabbing a fistful of Alfred’s hair. He pushed him to his knees, his face in line with Francis’ crotch.

“… What?!” Alfred asked loudly, trying to lean away from the slight bulge in Francis’ trousers.

“I’m going to teach you what ‘appens to guys who like to screw other guys, but think they can get away with saying ‘no ‘omo’.”

**Author's Note:**

> ((I hope you guys liked this! Reviews or feedback would be great! Also, this will have a second chapter. I may do more, depending on the feedback this gets~))


End file.
